Arriman the Awful, Dark Wizard of the north, has a big problem. He knows he can't be a wizard forever. That's fine with him, actually. Truth of the matter is, he hates being a wizard. He needs to get married in order to have a wizard baby that will be able to take over his job. But who will Arriman marry? He decides to have a spell casting competition. Will he marry Mabel Wrack, half mermaid, who specializes in fishy magic; old Mother Bloodword who knows every spell in the book except the one to turn young again, the Shouter twins who could kill each other to win, poor Belladonna, the smallest witch who can't do anything right, or Madame Olympia, who wears human teeth jewelry?
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